I have a love-hate relationship with journalling. The purpose of this blog is supposed to be for me to keep a journal regularly, but clearly, I have not been doing that.
I love writing. I enjoy the creative process when I write. When I’m feeling inspired, I could sense the words that I need to express my thoughts surfacing in my brain, as if they are surfacing out of a sea of my not-quite-extensive vocabulary.
Probably due to the fact that I’m not a native speaker of English, sometimes they don’t surface in the correct grammatical order, or they are wrongly spelled without hyphens, or the best choice of words don’t surface from the first attempt.
As I’m typing the words out, I often have to move the cursor back and forth to do some edits. Sometimes, I would quickly whip up a new browser tab to verify the correct usage of a word that I’m about to use. As I’m doing the verification, sometimes I would be drawn into the rabbit hole and start to read about other things remotely related.
When I’m out of the rabbit hole, I would usually wrap up the creation process of a sentence by reading it, both silently and out loud, to make sure that I’m happy with it. Nevertheless, I always gain a little sense of satisfaction for meticulously completing even a small paragraph in the most beautiful and befitting way I can, as if I’m an artist that completed an masterpiece.
Come to think about it, maybe I should write a book.
But what I hate about writing, is that I always take too much effort in crafting my sentences, to the point that I often could not complete the whole writing. Being very busy for my job as a CTO, I often can’t afford the time to write the way I enjoy—in the meticulous manner.
That is why I have not been writing in this blog for such a long time. It is evident because the last time I wrote here was when I first landed on the role of CTO in my former company.
After years of helming several start-ups as the CTO since 2016, I’ve come to question myself, whether is it just me, or this job really expects so much from a person. Anyway, I have a lot more thoughts on that topic and it is going to need a separate post on its own.
In the meantime, since I’m no longer attached to and employed full-time by any companies, I would take the opportunity to enjoy journalling while I still can. When I’m back being a start-up CTO again (if it happens at all), hopefully I would have figured out how to write regularly while being in the job.